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Chika Chika Chika
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KualaLumpur,Malaysia
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21 April 1986
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Since 20 May 2005



Friday, November 24, 2006

A confession

It's a confession of a broken heart.

Bukan.Bukan soal hati yang hancur luluh. Bukan pasal kecewa. Bukan juga nak bercerita kisah cinta anak-anak manusia yang menyentuh jiwa. Ini hanyalah satu lagi contengan emosi aku. Yang akhirnya dah bawa aku entah ke mana-mana. Sekarang aku jadi sangat runsing sbb berlakunya collision antara cas-cas positif dan negatif dalam perasaan aku. Oh, sangat saintifik emosi ini! *chika is complicated. she doesn't really understand life but she won't admit*


Semalam (23 November 2006) hari terakhir semester tiga aku sebelum berjimba-jimba di rumah (to be detailed, holiday jugak aku akhirnya. aksi kuak lentang dan bermacam-macam kuak lagi akan bermula sepanjang cuti. Since aku hanya tau melakukan aksi-aksi indoor sahaja).

Atas fakta yang menyatakan " to be Me is complicated", jadinya keja2 mengemas barang nak dibawa balik sempena semester break ni pon sangatla susah dan payah. Barang aku agak banyak. Dengan tikarnya yg sgt besar itu. Oh, tq to KakDell and Tuty for the help. Aku tak suka pijak lantai simen. Eventhough dia bersih, aku tetap tak suka pijak lantai simen. Apatah lagi kat bilik-bilik asrama. Aku rasa geli bila aku imagine balik yang kemungkinan besar, student yg duduk bilik tu sebelum aku main pakai je kasot dalam bilik. Yucks isn't it? Oleh itu aku sanggup beli sebesar-besar tikar iaitu sebesar ruang bilik aku so that aku takkan terpijak lantai simen asrama. Enough about the tikar.


Mari mulakan satu luahan rasa.

Dearest Beylo,
Aku bukannya nak canang cerita kami ke semua orang. Aku cuba sekuat-kuatnya utk tidak menyentuh sikit pon pasal peristiwa semalam tu kat sini. Tapi aku tak boleh. Aku perlu juga buat at least satu contengan cakar ayam supaya mood tak baik aku dapat dilepaskan. Guys, i'm totally down okay. Keep in mind start from now on, that i'm in bad mood while i'm typing this confession. Supaya bila aku ter'sembur' kan barisan-barisan carutan yang comel, tiada pembaca yang terkejut. Tapi dun worry be happy. Aku bukan pandai pon nak berbahasa kesat. Ilmu carutan aku sangat kasihan. Oleh itu, carutan aku hanya yang comel-comel. *eventhough Chika is complicated, she is still a soft spoken. Dia garang tapi dia tak suka mencarut. And she hates those yang suka mencarut*


Semalam aku bangun pagi (pagi bagi record aku lah). Aku sebenarnya tak larat nak bangun. Rasa nak tumbang. Badan aku sangat lenguh. I have two strong reasons kenapa aku memang patut pon tak larat nak bangun pagi tu. Satu, aku mengemas until late in the morning so that paginya aku tak perlulah mengemas lama sangat. Aku sangat teruja untuk pergi breakfast spt yang dia janjikan. Lagipun kami dah lama tak breakfast sbb kami hanya bangun dari tidur menjelang waktu-waktu lunch. Seriously, aku sangat teruja untuk bersarapan pagi. Bukan sahaja sebab dah lama tak sarapan, tapi juga sbb itulah chance terakhir nak jumpa dan jimba-jimba awhile sebelum semester break. Sebab kedua aku tak larat bangun, tulang aku sangat sakit mengemas itu ini. Aku tersedar satu jam lebih lewat dari yang aku janjikan dengan dia. Kelam kabut aku paksa diri aku untuk bangun. Kak Dell pulak dah ke ladang demi pokok rozelnya... Aku terus call dia. 3 kali sampai deringan putus. Aku sms.... ok, fine! its goin to be... useless....



Dear, if u read this... i want u to know that, how even the small thing is counted. Eventhough its in nano or piko units, it'll still be counted. I know its only a breakfast. I didn't talk about the breakfast thing but i'm looking forward into a promise that we made. Okay, that will be out of my principle if i let the whole world knows our stories. Its a small therapy i guess to reduce the painful inside.


To be honest, I tak marah pon lagipon itu mmg unpredictable incident. Tapi seriously, i'm sad. Sangat sedih. Until now pon I'm feeling sad and damn, u're making me standing somewhere negatively. These two days, mmg everything pon jadi negatif bagi aku. Even pada hal-hal yang bukan related to you pon I jadi negatif. I know i tak boleh blame you since i understand how u're feeling bad and down about this.


10 things I hate about you!
  1. I hate the way you always not answering my call when u're sleeping. (this happened few times but damn, how can i blame u on this?)
  2. I hate the way you've been late on replying my sms (sometimes and hopefully its not disengajakan)
  3. I hate the way you didn't care to sms me just to say hi. (sometimes especially when we are apart.)
  4. I hate you for not calling me when I was at home (as i miss our conversation even tho just for 2 minutes)
  5. I hate the way you use *your mother tongue* softly with the most gentlement voice with your friends.
  6. I hate the way you talk about your friends (which keep me jealous and wonder if i was creating the gap between u and ur frens)
  7. I hate to know that u got streamyx at home and can be online all the time. I wonder if u're chatting and contacting others until late in da morning.
  8. I hate to hear ur phones is ringing or producing any sounds which means u got sms while u were with me. (and i hate any sounds from my phone too)
  9. I hate the way you always late to reply my msg when we are chatting. And i hate hate hate it so much when u're only msg me shortly and then have to say goodbye as you need to take ur bath, to have ur dinner etc or the worst, u kept on silence afta me replying urs..... That means u put me aside. U know???
  10. I hate it bcoz there are few things i hate about you. And oh dear, its not bcoz i hate you, but it's a jealousy.

Walaupon all those 10 things above exist in this world, there are infinity numbers of things that make me love you. Aih, funny me! Sekali punya mistake pon i dah boleh hentam u this bad. Tak matang betol pikiran. Sensitive + emotional + sgt jealous + childish + a 20 hours negative thinker plus 4 hours considering irrational things. These are all me. Which give the high possibility for me to be a bad lover. AHAHA... *oh, can i laugh? boleh ke ketawa? oh... belom bleh. Mesti serius*


Okay okay. Tutup kisah tu. Now is the time to give as much credits as he deserves it. One, thanks for the jimba-jimba di Pyramid. Sgt kecewa tak dpt penuhi hasrat hati ini yg nak main-main kat sunway lagoon disebabkan hujan. Since bukan dia yang penyebab hujan tu, so aku nak marah dia pon buat apa. At least aku dapat libur-libur dan bershoppingan di Romp (rembat suar pink satu) dan beli belah style kanak-kanak gembira di Living Cabin (kerajaan saya sendiri tengah krisis kewangan). Tapi alhamdulillah... meskipun terjadinya gangguan ekonomi dan kos saraan diri sendiri semakin tinggi, kami tetap mampu memenuhi nafsu makan yang mewah. Dan pilihan nafsu yang terkini ialah

  • Ayamas (number one fastfood punya ranking lah currently - eh, kenapa ayat aku mcm terbalik-terbalik? sila susun dengan kreativiti sendiri)
  • Yankies Hut (the food is okay not the best. but we love the place actually)
  • Rimbun Klasik (tom yam best)
  • Mamak's (nasik lemak ayam satu!)
  • Limau Nipis (nothing yang syok sangat pon kecuali the limau nipis special sahaja)
  • Sarina Park Cafe (thanx Kak Dell sbb ajar nurul pi situ dan sanggup kita redah hujan that night. And for the sake of laksa kedah yang digembar gemburkan sedap tu... i akan pergi lagi)
  • Pelamin (oh... mmg evergreen lah jawapnya restoren ini)

Hmm... kalau nak dikira-kira... he's worthy. Sgt banyak dia dah buat utk aku just to give senyum at my pipi. Kenapalah aku perlu besarkan this small thing? Ya, bcoz small thing juga diambil kira bagi aku. Aku sgt sedih kalau benda yang important bagi aku tak jadi important bagi orang lain. Aku sedih. Dan kesedihan tu lagi kuat dari kemarahan. Really. Tapi, at the same time, aku tak boleh bebel banyak sgt sbb aku kena appreciate lebih byk benda yang dia buat. Aih, kan bagus kalau aku ni tak menganggotai persatuan cendiakawan dan kelab ahli fikir dunia yang perfectionist la konon. Mmg critical minded yang tak kena tempat aku ni.


Moral of the day : Aku rasa, aku hanya layak main kejar-kejar kat playground sambil menyanyi lagu 'Tiga Beruang" atau pon main tenteng sambil menyanyi lagu "Tiga Kupang". Sbb aku sgt-sgt tak tau macam mana nak jadi orang dewasa. =(
 

4 Congteng-conteng:

Blogger NaSh conteng...
i hate sampai 10 pun.. sayang lg kan?
7:26 AM  
Blogger ChikaDior conteng...
hatred comes only when u got more attention to someone.i hate him bcoz i love him... ohhh... i feel like cying a river!
12:43 PM  
Blogger Adian conteng...
my oh my... xtau nk ckp ape, i guess thank goodness were not an item, kalu x memang susah nk penuhi kehendak ko tu (for me la). ehehe...
3:33 AM  
Blogger ChikaDior conteng...
i think its true.. i'm expecting too much!
4:48 AM  

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